It’s the beginning of a New Year and you know what that means: resolution time!
You vow to eat better, to get in shape (for real this time), go to yoga, save money, cut down on coffee, be more social.
Look, these are all done with the best intentions.
We chant, “This is going to be our year” and go forth, only to fall off the bandwagon then feel like we’ve failed.
Look, you don’t have to do this to yourself. When is enough, enough?
Instead of making resolutions, let’s try doing something simple: Just waking up and living.
Crazy, but this might work. However, if you really feel the need to have some kind of way to reenter the New Year, let’s try this on for size:
1. Last year’s mishaps are this year’s stepping stones.
Don’t beat yourself up on mistakes you’ve made. They’re already made, now learn. What can be prevented? What couldn’t?
The more you have an understanding and acceptance of your mistakes, the easier it is to move on from them and not carry that weight from the past. That’s toxic anyway.
2. No is a full and complete answer.
“No, I’m so sorry.”
“No, I wish I could.”
“No, my apologies.”
Listen, everything after the comma of those no’s is extra. We’re taught, especially as self-identifying women, to always say yes and feel guilty for us saying no.
Well, bump that. No is a full sentence.
My favorite two-year-old is the perfect example.
“Hey Lu, can I have a hug?”
“No.” Runs off and plays.
At first, it seems blunt and a little rude, but that’s because we grew up to sugar coat things like Willy Wonka. That we are not.
“Can I have something from you?” “No.”
And that’s the end.
Bonus: I got my hug later, so it was a win-win.
(More fantastic read about lessons from a two-year-old here)
3. You don’t have to follow the rules.
I’ve worked as FIVE12 STUDIO for years, and I’ve spent most of those years being caught up in things I needed to do.
“You need to make a video.”
“You need to be on Periscope.”
“You need to have a masterclass…”
I tried to do these things to no avail. Why? I didn’t want to do it anyway, but I had to.
But where did that come from?
Society taught us we had to look a certain way, go a certain path, lead and aspire to a greed-driven dream. And if we didn’t?
We were weird.
Oh, the horror.
But as I started getting more frustrated, I had to ask myself why. Why do I feel the need to do this or that? Is it because it’s what I want? No, because it probably wouldn’t make me unhappy.
So I vowed not to do the things that made me unhappy.
I hate being in front of the camera, so I’m not doing videos.
I want my energy focused somewhere else, so a masterclass is out.
What makes you happy? Take a second to think and reflect on that. How and where do you want your energy to flow? Is it going there? Why not? It’s time to make it go there. Stop listening to what people say you have to do and focus on what you want. You don’t need to follow rules, especially when you break them so easily.
4. There’s nothing you need to change or reset
Did you ever think maybe you don’t need to do anything different from last year? I know marketing wants you to think otherwise, but it’s true. Maybe the things you did last year and the goals (not resolution) you set are supposed to bridge together to get you to where you want. Sit on that for a second.
If you’re driving from Point A to be Point B but encounter traffic along the way, you have two choices: stay in the traffic as you know it’ll pass soon, or take a detour.
Sure you’ll get to Point B, but it’s possible the detour will throw you off course a bit more than if you were to just ride out the traffic.
Maybe you didn’t need to get out of your lane, after all, just learn a little patience?
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a better person or growing in an area, as long as you are conscious of the decisions you make that’ll take you there.
5. Know the universe will do whatever it wants.
As a control freak, I laugh at this typing it out, but there are circumstances I’ve come across that I had no control over.
“Alright universe, do whatever.”
I have to actively practice this. As I work towards my personal and work goals, things come in and shake things up. I didn’t expect this, but I have to roll with it.
As I’m typing this right now, I’m battling a nasty cold that’s prevented me from working out three days this week. I can’t control it. The sickness is going to leave when it feels it’s done, so instead of making it worse and trying to push through it (which our brains have been trained to do), I’m taking my meds and taking it easy.
Oh trust me, this sucks. I’m not happy about it, but what else am I going to do until I get better? Exactly.
Look, no matter what you pledge to do, the universe likes to shake things up, and you’ll have to just roll with it. Maybe one of the planets are aligned or the moon is going through phases. Whatever the case, learn that you can’t control everything and that’s OK.